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Titans of Ether » ULTIMA » General Ultima Discussion » Dirty Ultima Limerics! (parental advisory) » Hello Guest [Login|Register]
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Message: | composed: 07-11-2021 17:39 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sowser

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There once was a King named British
Of whom all the castle maids were skittish
Because while cavorting with Nell
He was heard to yell
"Off with your shirt, I feel titish!"

At the bar sat Dupree the drunk
All agreed his pick-up lines stunk
Said he to a comely young lass
"You're too skinny of ass.
I like more junk in the trunk!"

In Buc's Den Hook found Sally Fruction
Whose mouth produced far too much suction
She worked hard and long
'Til off came his shlong
Now she's known as the Hoe of Destruction!

This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by Sowser: 15-06-2021 23:39.
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Message: | composed: 10-11-2021 00:57 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sunigator Sunigator is a male



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I hope that these poems will be included in U9R, they fit well as replacement of the old Iolo's song "ho eyo he hum" Big Grin
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Message: | composed: 10-11-2021 15:29 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Xelasarg

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quote:
"You're too skinny of ass.
I like more junk in the trunk!"

LOL!!! Big Grin

What about giving these lines (and some more) to Chuckles in U9R?

The denizens of this mystic place assault you without warning.
You see 99 Berserkers, 99 Berserkers, 99 Berserkers, and 99 Berserkers.

Will your stalwart band choose to (F)ight or (R)un?
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Message: | composed: 10-11-2021 18:32 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sir Iceblade Sir Iceblade is a male

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In Britannia lived Gweeno
who would like to get to know ya.
In buc's den its 100 a blow
so get it from the hoe
before Iolo comes and finds ya.

Shamino the Ranger would not die
for someone like he would never say bye
even though he's lived too long
yet he manages to go on
feeding on those who lie.

(follow the virtues kids or else Shamino the Ranger will come and feed upon ye)

This post has been edited 2 time(s), it was last edited by Sir Iceblade: 11-11-2021 05:47.
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Message: | composed: 11-11-2021 09:12 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
-Direhaggis- -Direhaggis- is a male

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Member since: 17-09-2021
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Location: Madison, WI
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Me thinks 'junk in the trunk' would not escape from lips so long fermented in the barrel of Britannian culture.

Of course there are those Imbalance Storms bringing in all sorts of people, one or so in very obscure parts that might know of such things...

Direhaggis
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Message: | composed: 11-11-2021 09:24 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sowser

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Thread Starter Thread Started by Sowser

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One night while Iolo and Gweeno were mergin’
He exclaimed, “Your privates reek of old sturgeon.”
Then while spelunking in Destard
Met a unicorn sequestered”
Who agreed, “She sure don’t smell like a virgin!”

Through the forest strides Shamino the Ranger
Whose sexual proclivities couldn’t get any stranger
Suffice it to say
He’s not a transvestite or gay
But to every squirrel he’s a danger!

In Minoc lived Julia the Tinker
Her every fart was a stinker
Until she connected a hose
To where from the odor arose
And now they just turn on a blinker!

There once was a fighter named Gorn
Who liked keeping his pubic hair shorn
Wielding a cutlass with ease
‘Til he let out a sneeze
And another eunuch was born!

I once met Senrtri the Guard
His ball sack is tattered and scarred
He had sex with a goat
Who chewed up his scrot
Now from all farms he is barred!
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Message: | composed: 11-11-2021 20:32 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sir Iceblade Sir Iceblade is a male

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LOL!
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Message: | composed: 22-11-2021 08:20 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Sowser

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Thread Starter Thread Started by Sowser

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There once lived Minax the witch
Who yearned to be Mondain’s bitch
But neither potion nor spell
Could get his manhood to swell
So he never could quite scratch her itch!

This post has been edited 1 time(s), it was last edited by Sowser: 26-11-2021 08:48.
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Message: | composed: 23-11-2021 18:25 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
HulkingUnicorn HulkingUnicorn is a male

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Very nice guys...
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Message: | composed: 25-11-2021 01:43 Go to the top of this page Zum Ende der Seite springen
Ralph Dragon Ralph Dragon is a male



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Member since: 19-09-2021
Posts: 206
Location: USA
Favourite Ultima: Ultima 7 Serpent Isle

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quote:
Originally posted by HulkingUnicorn
Very nice guys...


True, if you consider dirty limerics nice.

Btw Sowser, I doubt you meant that Minax weaved or told stories to Mondain. "Yearned" would've worked better, as well as "wench" instead of "bitch", though I admire your effort to "rhyme". Big Grin

Ralph Dragon
Dialogue Writer/Editor
Titans of Ether
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